A List for the Needy
On Saturday night, I went round a friend called Dave's house and drunk too much and played a bit of Pro Evo and guitar and stuff. After a few too many, I created a list with the help of the participants around me. It is about a girl, who's name I have replaced with ******** and one of the words in point number 4 I have replaced with a few random characters due to it being too obscene for the general public. Thus, here is the list with translations and/or reasons in square brackets:
IN ORDER TO FUCK ********
1) I must be boring [this person typically finds my sense of humour irritating].
2) I must get with what she gets with [self explanitory really].
3) I must be interested in the shit she's interested in [ditto].
4) I must insert my dik into her @#?/>}*!& [dick I think that is].
5) Get one of her friends to find out what typer of buys she likes ark then turn into that person [Get one of her friends to find out what type of guys she likes and then turn into that person].
6) Get a penis enlargement [good idea apparently...].
7) As soon as she askes me out, Iim on the downward slope to getting withher [she won't fuck me if she's my girlfriend].
8) Rohypnol [date rape. I can't believe I spelt this right].
9) Hammer across her face. If I fucke heer while she's still warm it would be a bit leese necrophilic (only if she resists (4) [lol].
10) Tell her how much I fucing love her. She's fucking perfect [oh dear, I'd reached my sentimental state].
11) Give her a flower, coz that's boring AND romantic [I seem to be able to punctuate correctly when pissed, but not spell].
12) Give her a circus of midgets performing a song withe her name in [thanks Tim, I tried, but couldn't find a circus of midgets in college. "A circus of midgets? For me? OH!"
13) Dedicate/write asong abot her andperform it intront offer [very accurate spelling due to mashedness].
IN ORDER TO FUCK ********
1) I must be boring [this person typically finds my sense of humour irritating].
2) I must get with what she gets with [self explanitory really].
3) I must be interested in the shit she's interested in [ditto].
4) I must insert my dik into her @#?/>}*!& [dick I think that is].
5) Get one of her friends to find out what typer of buys she likes ark then turn into that person [Get one of her friends to find out what type of guys she likes and then turn into that person].
6) Get a penis enlargement [good idea apparently...].
7) As soon as she askes me out, Iim on the downward slope to getting withher [she won't fuck me if she's my girlfriend].
8) Rohypnol [date rape. I can't believe I spelt this right].
9) Hammer across her face. If I fucke heer while she's still warm it would be a bit leese necrophilic (only if she resists (4) [lol].
10) Tell her how much I fucing love her. She's fucking perfect [oh dear, I'd reached my sentimental state].
11) Give her a flower, coz that's boring AND romantic [I seem to be able to punctuate correctly when pissed, but not spell].
12) Give her a circus of midgets performing a song withe her name in [thanks Tim, I tried, but couldn't find a circus of midgets in college. "A circus of midgets? For me? OH!"
13) Dedicate/write asong abot her andperform it intront offer [very accurate spelling due to mashedness].
posted by Squidgyegg at 9:10 pm
3 Comments:
I'm pretty sure it was Andy who came up with the idea of dancing midgets.
Everyone should take each and every point on that list into careful consideration when attempting to get themselves a girl or even boyfriend. That was a really well spent amount of time producing what can only be called the perfect way to get exacttly what you need lol.
I don't remember that late in the evening, but Tim was definitely the most reliable person there (being sober) and he implies that he came up with the idea.
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